By Angela Caban

When you have engaged in a military relationship, there are many things that need to be considered. One of the biggest challenges you will face is how to feel like a couple when your partner is gone for months at a time. But this requires an effort from both sides, and perhaps a bit more understanding than most average couples. The average couples today don’t endure half of what military couples do, and have a higher divorce rate. Therefore, more commitment and patience is needed from both couples in order to maintain a happy and healthy relationship.

Being in a military relationship for 9 years already I know that this can be an understandably difficult commitment, but not impossible.

Get educated: The main thing to always keep in mind is that this lifestyle is completely different than civilian life. There are different guidelines to live by and different priorities. Learn as much as you can about the military life, and most importantly, about your spouse’s job. Having this knowledge can help you to better understand what is expected and what may lie ahead in the future. And reading about the military life can also help you to cope knowing there are others going through the same things you and your partner are going through.

Be honest and communicate: As all military partners know, there is a large importance of ensuring your partner is worry free while away at combat, but you also need to be truthful with your partner. If being apart from them is truly hard for you, tell them. Most of the time while away at combat, it can be difficult to imagine what the other is going through at home. Having the honesty and ability to truly confide in your partner during these times, can be a big help. It won’t bring them home quicker, but you will feel better. Communication is the main ingredient in any relationship.

Enjoy what little time you have: Before your soldier is off for another deployment, enjoy the time you have left with them. Don’t dwell on the fact that your solider is off again leaving you alone. Take a vacation before they leave, have romantic dinners, or simply go to the movies. These moments are what you will hold on to once they are gone.

Live each day, as if they deploy tomorrow: Whether your loved one is deploying or simply going away for training, it can be a very hard thing to deal with any separation. But even harder is adjusting to life after the separation. You may notice a change in attitude, added stress and occasionally a feeling of despair. Take this time to reflect on your relationship and the strengths of it all. I always tell my husband that if he were to deploy tomorrow, I want to make sure we spend this time together and happy. So we focus on each other, what makes us happy and how much we love each other.