When you have children parenting with PTSD can be difficult. In fact at times it can seem impossible. If you cannot reach past the battlefield or the trauma, there is no way you can reach out to your children and be of much assistance. That should never stop you from trying though. I keep trying all the time but it doesn’t make me feel better when I look back knowing I should have done better.

What many of us who have been to war learn to understand is that, even when we have traumatic experiences dealing with life and death, once the war is over for us and we return home those feelings do not go away. All too often, like with myself, we become closed off emotionally to our loved ones and friends. We even go to such lengths as to learn to press down or bury our reactions and emotions our others. For me in particular, this meant I pressed down the parts of my character that hurt if I showed emotions.

I think the most important thing people can do for anyone, not just military wives is to just be there, listen, be a friend and don’t judge. We are all individuals, and I have yet to meet a single military wife who can fit in the mold created by all the stereotypes and assumptions of the general public.

Sakennah Kilogi is a mother of two, Navy wife and a full time student. During her husband’s recent deployment, she dealt with many obstacles and the hardest one being a single mom.

Just as you feel like the world is coming to an end, deployment is over. Your soldier is returning home after a long 15 month deployment and all you feel is this bittersweet combination of both joy and stress. Why is that?

I was an Army active duty spouse for years, as well as Reserve and now an Army National Guard spouse. So I guess I can say that I have had my share of experience with them all. What shocks me is the difference in the way people treat you once they know which branch you belong to. Most of that is due to people not knowing exactly who we are and what Reservists and Guard members do, but even other members of the military can be judgmental.

Even I can’t believe how much this last year has changed me. I never thought in just one year, I would be a different person. It occurred to me with all of the changes I’ve been through, I can’t imagine what it’s like for someone in the military to return home from active duty.

Unless you have experienced it first hand, there is no way to describe the way the family members of soldiers feel once their loved one has been deployed. Children in particular can experience immense amounts of stress during deployment.

It may be hard to fathom why those like me with PTSD would be angry and jealous of you. I understand and will give you my best effort to explain it. Put simply, some of us have lost the ability to enjoy the good things in everyday life and society.

Everyone with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, has a “moment of clarity”. A moment when they realize they are not the same person they used to be and the world has changed forever from their perspective. For those like me, the diagnosis for many years was simply an acronym which meant I had to attend counseling sessions, medical appointments, and take medications.