Whether you are transitioning back into your home life after a lengthy deployment or a few weeks away at training, the reintegration process is important and sometimes difficult for the servicemember and their family. In this series I will be providing some helpful and resourceful information to help you and your family throughout the reintegration process. Regardless of what you are struggling with; health issues, emotions, stress or just having trouble getting back into a routine, reintegration can be a slow process and it is important to understand that the adjustment will take some time.

In this first part of the three part series, I would like to discuss the emotions and feelings that are associated with transitioning back into home life.

Emotional Factors in the Reintegration Process

When my husband returned from his 8 month deployment early, I was beyond excited. I prepared for his return in the normal way we military spouses tend to prepare; cleaning, cooking, baking and just making sure everything looked perfect for him when he got home. But a few days before his return I started to feel anxious and angry at the fact that I had to make so many changes just to welcome him home. Why was I feeling this way? Did I not love my husband anymore? Fast forward to a few years and my husband is returning from a 3 week training exercise. The excitement was again hitting me and I could not wait to see him. But surely those same feelings were quick to return and once again I was mad and stressed that he was coming home and messing up my routine, that took me so long to get perfect. How could I feel this way about the man I loved? How selfish could I possibly be?

I soon realized that these feelings were all normal and I was not a bad wife, even though I felt as if I were. I was trying to cope with the idea of being there for him as well as maintaining and establishing a routine for me and my son. I didn’t think I would be able to give him the attention he so much deserved and I felt as if his return was only temporary. I like to call these feelings the “duffle bag of emotions”. As soon as he steps into the home and puts down that duffle bag, all emotions are running free, the only thing left is learning how to handle and cope with these emotions.

You go from being stressed over your servicemember leaving, stressed about them being deployed to a combat zone and finally stressed over them transitioning back into your life. How will they fit back into your life if you have already gotten used to the idea of them being gone? There is no set answer on how you will deal with the emotions that come out of your duffle bag, but there are ways to cope and transition back into your pre-deployment lifestyle.

Communication has always worked for my husband and I, I let him know the new routine in the home and then explain how things will change with him back home. I make sure he is comfortable with the new schedule and if he has any suggestions or if he wants to help out around the home, I let him. I don’t carry the burden of doing it all once he is back home. I do however make sure I allow him some time to get comfortable with his surroundings; we aren’t the only ones trying to adjust here.

This again is not easy for all and situations will vary, especially those who may be dealing with after combat issues (PTSD, TBI, etc.). It is important for you to know the signs and seek professional help.

In part two, I will discuss ways to control and manage stress as you and your servicemember transition back into pre-deployment life.

What feelings and emotions do you go through, and how do you cope? Leave your comments below!

For more on Angela Caban, visit her website at www.angelacaban.com.

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