A life in the military has its rewards, but it can be stressful at times as well.  Many couples have encountered obstacles with their loved ones due to the demands the military puts on their soldiers coupled with the everyday strains that all relationships face.

Common Obstacles faced by Military Couples:

1.   The frequent good-byes

2.   Unexpected or frequent relocation

3.   The endless waiting lists for housing

4.   The reality of the sacrifices given by our soldiers

Fighting for our country is courageous and can be very rewarding. However, those who go to war may face a tremendous amount of emotional trauma. The obstacle is learning to cope with it in a productive way, so they transition in a healthy manner while maintaining a loving, stable relationship.

Many professionals have observed that soldiers in relationships can sometimes experience feelings of loss and anxiety. They have a hard time disconnecting their combat experience with day to day civilian life. At times many soldiers may find it difficult to reconnect to loved ones due to an underlying fear of loosing them while possibly also harboring resentment toward those who are able to maintain close relationships with the people they love.

Tips to help:

• When in combat, the body goes into “survival mode” and a kind of “auto-pilot” kicks in. He or she might have dreams that haunt them, feelings of anxiety and irritability at night, flashbacks, remorse and even guilt. Some of these symptoms are known as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), a frequent diagnosis for trauma survivors, such as that seen in veterans returning from war. Get educated on PTSD and the effect it may be having on your loved one. The more educated you are, the better understanding you will have. It might also help you keep your sanity when you partner feels the need to isolate his or her self.

 

• While you might want to help your partner through the recovery period as a shoulder to cry on, they might not be ready to talk about what happened to them while they were away. They may not know how to verbally express themselves or may be trying protect you from the traumas they have faced. Do not push them or force them into talking about it. Give them time.

 

• Consider offering them their own space to be creative. Providing your partner with their own room or work space may be a good way for them to express themselves creatively, take on projects to keep them occupied and feeling needed and allow them valuable time and space to themselves.

 

• If your partner expresses any angry out-bursts, nightmares, or other negative behaviors try to be patient. Seek professional help before things get worse. Make an appointment for a couple’s therapist; encourage him/her to get help through support groups, medication or 12-step groups (if they begin to self medicate), and/or individual counseling.

 Military life and serving in the war is an experience that is life changing. Understand that they may not jump back into their old patterns right away; it is going to take time. Take pleasure in having your loved one home! Remember to have patience and take time each day to enjoy each others company.

 

Remember the relationship cannot go back, but it can always move forward.

Resources, Organizations & Services to Help You

Resources

• Military Chaplain Associated Services – Readjustment Resource for the 21st Century Global War on Terror Veterans

 

• Veterans Affair’s suicide hotline at 800.273.TALK (8255)

 

• Brothers Bound By Honor – site was developed to bring hope, help, and support to Combat Veterans and their families. This site will prove to be a great asset to those Veterans and their families presently on active duty, others who live daily with the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and any one who has an interest in Veterans’ issues.

 

• IWVO – PTSD – Iraq – Discussion forum about PTSD. Talk with Military personnel now deployed in Iraq, active duty personnel worldwide and Operation Iraqi Freedom Veterans. 

 

• Living With PTSD – Online support group for those of us who love someone with PTSD

 

• Sisters Bound by Honor – a group to support each other and gain strength in coping with the lasting effect of war and the wounds we carry with us.

 

• The Aftermath of War – Safe Haven of Support for those who battle internally with the aftermath of war

 

• VetGuide – Office of Personnel Management

 

• Women of War Veterans Overcoming PTSD – Wives and Partners of War Veterans diagnosed with combat Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)