Written by Angela Caban

I am an Army National Guard wife, I don’t live on base and my husbands’ unit does not exactly have the most organized FRG. These are obstacles that spouses of the Guard and Reserve face each day when their husbands deploy. How are we supposed to cope through the stresses of deployment when we have little to no resources and support?

What did I do? I took matters into my own hands and I didn’t dwell on the situation or feel bad for myself. I found myself constantly connecting with others online and trying to find other women who also needed support. As a fulltime working mom and college student these obligations came first and demanded all of my time and energy. So there was no time for drama.

So since I was not able to clone myself, here’s how I handled deployment stress…..

Life on the Homefront

My home life quickly went from happy family of three, to a busy single mom. Anything from dishes, laundry and cleaning slowly consumed my every spare minute. Working a 40 hours a week and not getting home until after 6 pm each night, was also putting a damper on any alone or free time I may have considered having. So my weekends slowly became my, “catch up on everything I have no time for during the week” days! I had no free time and I wanted to scream, although I always look for the positive in every situation and the busy helped the time go by. But regardless I needed some me time and needed it fast!

I would set it all aside and use my weekend nights as “me time”. Once my son was in bed, I would write, read a book or curl up in bed with a good lifetime movie and unwind. In the end all the other things pending didn’t matter, I knew I would get to it later. These “mini-breaks” gave me a chance for my body and mind to relax. If I felt too overwhelmed I would simply step back and say “God does not give us anything we cannot handle”. And this slowly became my deployment motto!

Unhealthy Deployments

My obsession with takeout food started when my husband deployed.  Again, working full time and going to school full time really did not leave much time to prepare home cooked meals. I ate an abundance of pizza, McDonalds and Italian. It was just so much easier then coming home late to cook and then have to clean. But I also noticed the extra money I was spending each week. Financially and health wise, this would not cut for much longer.

This was one issue I nipped right at the root. After a few weeks of this unhealthy behavior I decided that it was not fair for my small son. Although at the time he was still eating baby food, I wanted to ensure dinner time stayed the same, even if daddy was not home. So I set aside a day during the week when I prepared different meals and froze them for the weeks to come. This helped me especially with the stressful moments throughout the week that I simply did not want to nor have time to cook.

Support

I had so many people constantly asking me if I was okay and if I needed any help. I am stubborn by nature and many times although I could have used a helping hand, turned it down. I write this to you in hopes that you do not follow this same path. Do not turn down help! At this time just when you think you have a grasp on deployment, the dishwasher breaks and your kitchen is flooded with two inches of water! This is when I finally stepped back and accepted the help of others. Whether it is to help with household duties to simply talking to someone, you need to do it for yourself and your sanity.

Regardless of the stresses this life brings, being the wife of a soldier has truly made me realize how lucky I am and I can appreciate the time we have together. I fly solo many times in this household, but when my husband steps foot into his home it’s all worth it!

For more on Angela Caban, visit her website at www.angelacaban.com.

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