Written by Angela Caban,

This week on “Life of a Military Wife”, I had the opportunity of chatting with Holly Dalton. Holly is an Army wife and singer/songwriter. When her husband deployed, she wrote and performed a song for him called “Yellow Ribbon Prayers.” We all find ways to cope and get through the tough moments in deployment and for Holly, singing is her method. Please join me in learning and experiencing the life of another strong military spouse. 

What are some of the recurring challenges you face as an Army wife?

Juggling schedules at a moment’s notice!  It’s been difficult for me not have a say in things.  I didn’t grow up in a military household and it’s been quite an adjustment being an Army wife.  When the Army tells your husband to do something, or be somewhere on a certain day, he has to do it.  You can’t say well that doesn’t work for me, how about this day?  You just have to make it work.  Thankfully, my husband is in the Reserves so it’s not as bad, but we’ve been through one deployment while we were dating and we’ll probably go through another one within the next year or two.   

 What are some of the biggest joys and disappointments related to being an Army wife?

The biggest joys have been meeting the soldiers my husband works with.  You couldn’t ask for a better group of people.  Knowing that during a deployment that they’ve got your husband’s back is a powerful and comforting feeling. 

The biggest disappointment so far was that my husband was deployed on Valentine’s Day.  The Army doesn’t have the best timing.    

As military spouses we all have our way in coping through deployment, what was yours?

Music, I’m a singer/songwriter in Nashville, TN and when my husband (then fiancé) was deployed I wrote a song with a couple of my songwriting friends (Holly Tong and Joel Van Tassel) to cope with it.  I was so tired of hearing deployment songs on the radio that all ended with the solider dying-that’s the last thing that a military wife needs to hear!  There are so many families out there that are touched by deployment and I was determined to write a heartfelt song that had a happy ending. 

I also kept myself extra busy.  I had just finished my first Masters degree before he left and I quickly enrolled again to get my MBA while he was gone.  So I worked full time, got a second Masters degree and finished my first country album.  I also relied on family and friends to get me through the really lonely times.  Lastly, I sent my fiancé letters, cards and care packages almost constantly. 

What did you feel as you were writing “Yellow Ribbon Prayers”?

It brought back so many memories and emotions of when I had to tell him goodbye.  I had to relive that over and over again-how it felt to see him walking away, the phone calls and letters…the loneliness. But it also gave me hope for his homecoming.  I was also proud to write it because although it was specifically for my husband and it’s something we’ll both always treasure, I knew that it would also benefit other military families.

You performed this song live for your husband at the CMA Fest in Nashville, how was that experience?

It was amazing.  My husband didn’t know that I had written a song for him.  I was singing in a bar in downtown Nashville during CMA Fest and they were broadcasting live via the internet.  He got up in the middle of the night to listen.  I performed my usual songs with my band and then at the end I told the crowd that my fiancé was in Iraq and he was listening.  The place went crazy with applause.  I then said that I had a surprise and that I would be performing a song I’d written for him a cappella.  The song was so new that I had to pull the handwritten words out of my pocket.  It was so hard not to cry.  I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get through it, but thankfully I did.  I was so emotional and knowing he was listening was so special.  I will never forget that moment.  The entire crowd was silent while I was singing, hanging on every word.  When I finished the crowd erupted.  Like I said, it was such a special moment and I was so proud. 

Do you see yourself writing anymore music in the future?

Absolutely!  I took a break from music when I got married (September 2009) but am anxious to get started again.  I’m ready to start writing and singing again!

What advice would you give a military spouse who is going through a deployment?

Keep yourself busy!  I can’t emphasize that enough.  Whether it’s volunteering, going back to school, hobbies, working a second job, etc…you have to keep yourself extra busy or you’ll just sit around and cry and worry.  It’s also so important to lean on your friends and family.  They may not know exactly what you’re going though, but they can be there with a shoulder to cry on.  And don’t isolate yourself, that’s just going to make it worse.  For the first few weeks all you’re going to want to do is lay in bed and cry, but you have to get up and live your life.  It doesn’t mean that he’s any less a part of your life; it just means that you have to fill in all the gaps while he’s away.  One thing that I can’t emphasize enough is to not put yourself in a bad situation.  You are going to be lonely and vulnerable.  Don’t go looking for companionship where you know you shouldn’t go (bars, online chats, etc).  Be smart girls and don’t put yourself in those kinds of situations!  Also, get educated about what’s available.  Contact your local Family Readiness Group (FRG) for support and information.      

To listen to Holly’s song “Yellow Ribbon Prayers” or to make a purchase, please visit the sites below:

www.cdbaby.com/hollybakehorn
www.amazon.com
www.iTunes.com
www.rhapsody.com
www.eMusic.com

For more on Angela Caban, visit her website at www.angelacaban.com.

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