Written by Joshua Patton,

I became a father at a very young age and one of the first things I noticed was that Halloween was two very different holidays depending upon whether or not one had children.  For those without kids, it is a day to dress trashy or crazy and party with reckless abandon.  For those with kids, it is all about them: trick-or-treating, checking candy, and dealing with a child coming down from a massive sugar rush often up well past bedtime.  Memorial Day is another such holiday, only the separation is not having children, but the loss of a loved one who gave his or her life in service to this country.

Because the burden of war has been shouldered by so few, many families across the nation are marking the birth of another summer, surrounding themselves with relatives, friends, and celebration.  However, for some this day is not about picnics or outdoor revelry, but instead a day of mourning.  Memorial Day began as “Decoration Day,” started by freed slaves to memorialize the sacrifices of the Union soldiers in the Civil War but eventually expanded to memorialize all of those who have died while wearing the uniform.  Then somewhere along the way, it became the kickoff for cookout season, competitive racing, or just another three-day weekend.

I am not begrudging those who use this occasion as a day for living life to its fullest nor am I suggesting that it should be a stone-cold bummer of a day befit for only mourning or quiet reflection.  In fact, as summer unwinds before us, there are ample opportunities for enjoying the company of loved ones and their signature dishes that only come out on those special occasions.  And those who have lost someone to war or the after-effects of it feel that loss no more or no less simply because a day has been set aside for that remembrance.  Instead, what I am suggesting is that perhaps Memorial Day is the perfect day to do both.

The soldiers I served with were not an overly sentimental lot and I would bet that had any of us paid that ultimate price, we would hope that our family and friends could still find joy in each other’s’ company.  Those lucky enough to have not felt the pain of such a loss and/or welcomed home their servicemember safe and sound should celebrate.  The true challenge posed by Memorial Day is to remember those sacrifices and honor the fallen with life and laughter.  Sure, it’s difficult to do.  Talk of untimely death and tragedy takes the wind out of a party faster than anything else.  And for those who can’t avoid that pain, expecting happiness from them can seem as impossible a request as asking them to drive to the moon.  Still one must work towards striking that balance if one truly wishes to make the most of this holiday.  Laugh, reminisce, and honor the dead by seizing ahold of the good things and fiercely living life.  It is a slight to the intention of the holiday if one makes it only about the party, but I would argue that it might be just as wrongheaded to go through the day only bereft and joyless.  We like to believe that those who have died wearing the colors of the military did so to protect and preserve that which makes life worth living and I can think of no greater way to honor them by celebrating that.

Today I carry in my heart the memories of those lost:  Carrie French, Thomas Vandling Jr., Eric Foster, Clay Hunt, and all of my brothers- and sisters-in-arms who aren’t with me to share in the celebration.  Happy Memorial Day.