By Angela Caban

Do you ever wonder what people’s fantasies are? Perhaps they wished they had more money, a new car or even a live in maid. My fantasy a year ago was simple, I wanted my husband home. I wasn’t asking for much, just my husband to come home from his deployment. And this way, he could go back and do all the not so pleasant things around the house. And what is funny is that you don’t really appreciate the things your spouse does, until he is no longer there to do it. I was in awe at just how much he does when I would yell at him that he did nothing. That was a shock! This life is tough, and as military spouses we need to find the strength to be able to deal with whatever deployment throws at us.

Recently, I’ve been getting many questions about how I’ve dealt with deployment. Over my many separations I have acquired some ideas that have helped me deal with my husband being away.

Recognize That You Come Second

The faster you accept that the military will always be first, the better the situation will get. If you get upset over every birthday, anniversary and holiday missed, expect only arguments and more added stress.

Avoid Negativity

Don’t get caught up with negative things. Stay away from the news and make sure that you surround yourself with positive people. I had many friends going through the same deployment I was and we spent most of our time reaching out to others. This took my mind off of my sorrows and made me feel better that I was helping someone else.

Be Proud

Know that what your spouse is doing, he is doing for you and everyone else in this country. I am proud to announce that my husband is in the military and that he sacrifices himself for all of us. It is a great positive attitude to keep during this time.

Keep Your Friends Close

Whether it is your civilian or military friends, keep a close relationship during this time. You are going to need the support mentally and emotionally. Many people pull away and want to be alone, I agree that at first you need some space but do not make it a habit to be secluded. Friends will help you through this time.

Seek Resources

There are so many organizations and resources for military spouses. Many offer free counseling, books, live chats and webinars. Check out Military.com or Military One Source for more details.