I look back at that moment of despair; the adjustment of single parenting was not as tough as the adjustment of post deployment parenting. What is post deployment parenting? Post deployment parenting is the adjustment of learning to let go of the control in parenting once your servicemember has returned. I found it rather difficult to do this, mainly for the sake of my son. When my husband left he was two and when my husband returned my son was three going on four. What kind of adjustment would this mean for my son who was so used of me calling all the shots? I was worried that he would take one look at his father and totally disregard any authority he had. But with open communication with my husband, we both knew that we were in this together, and we had to both work extremely hard.

The roles change when your servicemember deploys, but don’t forget that your child also changes with time. The younger the child the harder it is to explain why their parent was away and it also takes them some time to adjust to having that parent back in the picture. By the time my husband left for a 6 month training mission a year later – my son was 5 and we both knew how to handle the role of post deployment parenting on his arrival.

-Good Cop, Bad Cop: I could sense the guilt my husband had when he returned from deployment and didn’t want to play the “Bad Cop”. But this was something that he had to jump back into; don’t let your child make you feel bad because you now have to discipline them. It isn’t easy – but we both stood tough in our decisions, if I punished my son, my husband backed me up and vice versa.

-Quality Time: Make sure that once your servicemember is back home that they spend some alone time with the child. Use that time to bond and communicate any feelings that either the child or parent may have. Of course be sure to share those thoughts with your spouse as well.

-Expectations: Don’t expect things to run smooth, and wait for that moment where your child may show some type of anger toward you. Don’t worry about this emotion, it will pass and it is just an expression of how they feel at the moment. Children are resilient, but take time to adapt to new surroundings and situations.

For more on Angela Caban, visit her website at www.angelacaban.com.

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War and separation causes many different types of psychological stresses and it is important for family members to be prepared to deal with these issues before they even begin. With this Red Cross program, families will be able to deal with the many challenges while home and once their loved one has returned from deployment.

“Coping with Deployments: Psychological First Aid for Military Families“ is a program that was created by the Red Cross to continue their commitment to serve military families. The program has been designed and available for use to military spouses, parents, children, and significant others. Useful information that is provided;

• How to strengthen your ability to respond to the challenges you may encounter throughout a deployment.
• Help in providing psychological first aid to those experiencing stress.

To learn more about the Red Cross and the Coping with Deployments: Psychological First Aid for Military Families program, please visit www.redcross.org.

Source and Reference: http://www.redcross.org/portal/site/en/menuitem.d8aaecf214c576bf971e4cfe43181aa0/?vgnextoid=0742cd7a973e3210VgnVCM10000089f0870aRCRD&vgnextfmt=default

For more on Angela Caban, visit her website at www.angelacaban.com.

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Remembering back to when my son and I spent our first holiday season alone, I was blessed enough to have family and friends around us. And even though it helped, there was still a void in my family and heart. But I didn’t let that get us down – we embraced what we had and were thankful for it. Whether you are sending out care packages, traveling, using social networking sites to stay in touch, or staying home and making the holiday as meaningful to your family as possible, we cope and move forward. Military families are resilient and learn to make the best out of a stressful and difficult situation.

We learn that our homes are not defined by the family we have near us or the area we grew up in, but by the warmth and love we use to fill our homes. Friends that are nearby become our families and we offer each other the affection that so many need during this time. We grow stronger as a community and are able to build new traditions with others that aren’t our blood relatives because we know that the bonds military families share is something that brings us all together. We build memories, long lasting friendships and strong bonds that will carry us over to the next home. We invite others into our homes, and most importantly into our lives.

No matter where we are or how far we may be from family and loved ones, our holiday season becomes one we can look back on and remember how we dealt with distance and separation. It becomes our inner strength and gives us courage to keep moving.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

For more on Angela Caban, visit her website at www.angelacaban.com.

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In 2008, Jennifer Basset Founder and Executive Director of Coast Guard Family started pulling her resources, along with Amber Broadway Director of Marketing, on how they could support Coast Guard spouses and families. A blog by the name of One Big Coastie Family was born, as well as resources for a scholarship fund drive. Shortly after the launch of the blog, the website Coast Guard Family came along. The Coast Guard Family website focuses on providing resources and valuable support to families and spouses of the Coast Guard, since there are very few programs and funding currently available.

In 2009 Coast Guard Family was awarded with their first educational scholarship to a USCG spouse and again in 2010. Currently working on their 501(c) (3) to become a non-profit, CGF has launched a Coastie Kids Mini-Grant program and continues to work on more programs to offer Coast Guard families. The CGF prides itself in having an organization made up of strictly volunteers.

To learn more about the Coast Guard Family, please visit their website at http://www.coastguardfamily.org/.

For more on Angela Caban, visit her website at www.angelacaban.com.

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The Veteran Artist Program uses veterans as their artists to use stories and creative arts to create original productions. The VAP helps to provide them with resources and tools needed to excel to the next level in their careers. Something that can be extremely beneficial to servicemembers deployed over the years.

The VAP is currently working on their newest production called, Telling. Telling is a production that for local military veterans and family members in which they tell their stories of life in the military. This is a wonderful opportunity for real-life stories to be told and to help the civilian community connect with the military veterans and families to learn about their lives. “Telling: Baltimore, MD,” will afford our veterans and their families the chance to speak, and the Baltimore/DC area the chance to listen.” (VAP Site)

For more information on Telling and the Veteran Artist Program, please visit their website: http://www.veteranartistprogram.org/projects/telling-project.

For more on Angela Caban, visit her website at www.angelacaban.com.

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